We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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