...so i touched it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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