One girl and one boy is just not enough.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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