enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
