If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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