i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize