I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize