What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
