Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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