Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize