Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
