Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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