i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I enjoy the company of your penis
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
