Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
