Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
