we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
