i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize