it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
