If that was your dad, he is hot
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
