she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
