he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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