i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize