I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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