Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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