if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
