im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
