he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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