WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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