and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
