bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
