Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
