Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
