Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
