He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
