Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
