The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
