when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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