Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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