It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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