You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
