people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
