GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
