It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
