I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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