we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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