is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
