Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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