I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
