my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
