I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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