im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
