I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
