I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
