You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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