Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
