Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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