fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
