So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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