Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry about my life...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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