remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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