OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
