people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
