She announced her abortion via fbk
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
