Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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