As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
