just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
