I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have feelings that need drinking.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
