I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
